Thursday, April 12, 2012

A stone in my heart

This morning I woke up at 3 am and my mind and my heart were filled with hatred. Not how I wish to wake up. I tossed and turned, tried to find a place of peace within me. It could not be found. There is a stone in my heart that has been there for about a year and I pray that God will take it away.

I am not a person who hates. This emotion is completely foreign to me. I am a kind, loving, forgiving person. So I honestly don't understand why I am holding onto this for so long. This is not the first time I woke up this way. This happens fairly often. It saps my strength, makes me obsess over things that are long gone and unchangeable. I need to leave this pain and anger behind and move on.

If I have time before the movers come on Saturday, I'm going to write a letter to this person, explaining my hatred, anger, resentment and then burn it in the fireplace. The writing might help purge it from my heart. If not, once I am settled in my new home, my new life, I'll use it to create a piece of healing art. I can't go on like this. I don't like this part of me and I need to be rid of it.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Almost home

I spent more time behind the wheel of my car in the last two days than I have for months. I left early yesterday morning for a noon meeting with Lauren and his wife Michelle to look at an apartment. According to Google, it was a five and a half hour drive. Giving myself a little extra time to get lost, I left home at 5:30. I made good time, only missed one turn and got to the property a little after 11:00.

There are two houses on the property. I knew the apartment was on the second floor, so it had to be the house in back. There were a couple of people outside the house in front and within minutes, Gretchen (I now know 2 Gretchens!) came over and introduced herself. She and her SO Joe live in the front house and take care of the property for Lauren and Michelle. Another gentleman rents the apartment on the end of the front house. Diana rents the first floor of the house in back. Diana has 4 cats, Gretchen and Joe have a dog.

Gretchen gave me the grand tour of the property, lots of land, a fire pit for summer gatherings. She invited me into her home. Some nice, artsy touches in there. Even though she has keys, we decided to wait for Lauren and Michelle before looking at the apartment. But, from outside, this is the house where Gretchen and Joe live. The other apartment is on the left. Joe and Gretchen's door is all the way to the right.

This photo makes the property look desolate, but it's showing driveway and parking areas. Everything else is green! The house in back is divided into upstairs and downstairs apartments. Each has it's own entrance. You can barely make out the addition for the door to the second floor way over on the left. The downstairs door is around the corner. Love the wagon wheel! Gretchen likes how it looks but it has made a big rust mark on the siding. she doesn't like that part.

I was going to include a couple of interior photos from the ad, but Lauren has deleted the listing now that the place is rented. It's two bedrooms. One will be my bedroom, the other will be my studio. Since I don't even own a TV, a living room is something I really have no use for. So the traditional living room space will be my office. The sliders to the deck are in this room. There is a small dining area. Rather than bring my dining room set which is rather large, I am going to sell it. I have a small bistro set with 2 chairs and a glass-topped table. That's all the dining room I need. The bathroom has washer/dryer hook-ups so I'll be bringing my machines.

Lauren and Michelle are very nice folks. They live just up the road, but Gretchen and Joe are there to take care of anything I might need. They also take care of the grounds and the plowing. Gretchen has a couple of gardens and is very down-to-Earth. I really like her. When I went back up there this morning, she came out to visit for a bit and told me she was really happy that I was moving in. I asked if I could take her picture, but it is not very flattering.

It takes a little over half an hour to drive to work from here, longer come winter, but it is well worth it. Reasonable rent, friendly folks who have no objections to cats. Can't beat it.