Thursday, April 12, 2012

A stone in my heart

This morning I woke up at 3 am and my mind and my heart were filled with hatred. Not how I wish to wake up. I tossed and turned, tried to find a place of peace within me. It could not be found. There is a stone in my heart that has been there for about a year and I pray that God will take it away.

I am not a person who hates. This emotion is completely foreign to me. I am a kind, loving, forgiving person. So I honestly don't understand why I am holding onto this for so long. This is not the first time I woke up this way. This happens fairly often. It saps my strength, makes me obsess over things that are long gone and unchangeable. I need to leave this pain and anger behind and move on.


If I have time before the movers come on Saturday, I'm going to write a letter to this person, explaining my hatred, anger, resentment and then burn it in the fireplace. The writing might help purge it from my heart. If not, once I am settled in my new home, my new life, I'll use it to create a piece of healing art. I can't go on like this. I don't like this part of me and I need to be rid of it.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 12, 2012 at 3:45:00 PM EDT

    I totally understand your hateful feelings and had them once myself. Forgiving is the only way and it's not easy when your heart is betrayed. We all do horrible things, things that deserve eternal death but we have been forgiven. If that forgiveness can be extended to us and we can truly understand how great that forgiveness is we can then, with the spirit's help, begin to forgive others as we have been forgiven. We can't do it alone but it can indeed be done because all things are possible. SS

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    Replies
    1. PattyApril 12, 2012 at 4:03:00 PM EDT

      Thanks Sunshine! You always seem to know exactly the right words. I do love you! Have fun in L.A.

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  2. Sharon W.May 26, 2012 at 9:57:00 PM EDT

    Patty...........as you know, I just found your blog....I have checked back a couple of times for new entries, and am still confronted by the "poison" entry. I know you are caught up in moving etc, but I think you need to get that poison into the past tense!!! I'm hoping for an upbeat entry soon!!!! Luv.......sharon

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